Some women are not meant to be tamed. Not because we are difficult, chaotic, or unfinished, but because taming was never the task. The task was movement. We run, change direction when we need, we collect experiences instead of approvals. We are not avoiding something; we choose to move fast because stillness, when imposed too early, feels like a lie.
The mistake society keeps making is treating speed as a flaw. A woman who does not settle is framed as restless. A woman who does not attach is labelled avoidant. A woman who values freedom is described as afraid of intimacy. None of these labels hold up very well when you look at the psychology rather than the folklore.
From a psychological perspective, autonomy is not the opposite of connection. It is one of its prerequisites. Self determination theory is very clear on this. Humans need autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Remove autonomy and connection degrades into compliance. Many women who resist being “tamed” are not resisting love. They are resisting control disguised as care.
There is also the matter of nervous system regulation. People who move, explore, and test edges often do so because movement helps them stay regulated. Novelty releases dopamine. Agency calms threat responses. Choosing one’s own pace is not impulsive. It is adaptive. For some women, slowing down too early spikes anxiety rather than soothing it. Running is not dysregulation. Forced stillness is.
Attachment theory is often misused here. Independence is too quickly equated with avoidance. In reality, securely attached people tend to leave situations that restrict them and stay where choice is respected. They do not cling or freeze; they move on. However, I can see that this can look like flight if you are watching from the outside and hoping they will stay put.
There is also identity development to consider. Some people integrate identity through reflection. Others integrate it through action. The second group learns who they are by doing, testing, failing, and recalibrating in the real world. Asking them to slow down before that process is complete is like asking someone to finish a book halfway through and promise they loved the ending.
The idea that a woman must be “tamed” in order to be lovable is a hangover from a time when women’s safety depended on being chosen. Today, many women are economically, socially, and psychologically capable, so we are safe. What we are looking for is not rescue, it’s resonance.
And here is the part that tends to be misunderstood most. When a woman like this slows down, it is rarely because she has been convinced. It happens because her nervous system no longer needs to run. Not because she was cornered, corrected, or claimed, but because something in the presence of another person makes stillness feel voluntary.
Psychologically, that shift only occurs under specific conditions. Consistency without pressure. Interest without pursuit. Strength without management. A sense that nothing will be taken from her if she stops moving for a moment. When those conditions exist, speed becomes optional. We slow down because we want to linger.
Until then, we will carry on running, not away, but forward. Gathering data. Building self trust. Learning our own edges. Becoming precise about what we will and will not trade for comfort. This is why the right person does not tame her. He changes the environment. He removes friction. He does not chase the wildness out of her. He gives it room to lie down.
And at this point, despite all the glitz, glamour and glory of the many, we will slow for “the one”. Not because we have been caught, but because we have recognised something familiar in the distance. Something steady. Something that does not wave its arms or call our name. Just a figure standing there, not moving at all, as if he knows she will recognise that imperfectly perfect him…
