It really seems to have been a strange week for many people.
To give two examples two guys have contacted me today to discuss their relationship with someone, one just online with someone several thousand miles away and the other, here in the UK and in real life.
The first person met this lady in a chat group and she took an instant liking to him; he’s a cool Scot (albeit with the accent that needs a translator at times!); he’s funny and easy to talk with etc. Yesterday someone else who has known him for longer came into the room and called Scotty “sex bomb” at which point Potato wrote “he’s my sex bomb” and went on to say they both had dibs on each other – news to everyone including Scotty himself. Apparently she then decided to have an evening with her friend Voddy so Scotty woke up this morning to about 20 texts from Potato finishing off with “undibbing” him so he was free to be the other person’s sex bomb.
He’s now feeling guilty and says he doesn’t want to upset her and I have been trying to explain to him the importance of being very clear and up front with people we meet. Yes a lot of people go online to seek company which can vary from someone just to play online card games with to virtual friends with benefits. But we have to beware that, we can sometimes put all our attention onto someone else (and particularly online) just so we feel less lonely when in fact I do feel we would be so much better finding real world things to do to keep ourselves happy.
The other person met someone on a dating site and they got on well but when he went to visit her, he found that her four kids each had a different father which made him a bit cautious. He got home to find that she had messaged him to say that she had moved her boyfriend (which he hadn’t been told about) out and was coming down to visit him. She turned up with three of her children including a baby and has stayed with him since Sunday and is trying to avoid going home today. The last I heard (hopefully he has managed to get them into his car to take them to the station) was that she was planning on buying a tent and camping in the park in front of his house…
It’s scary that these guys (who are both over 40) have allowed to get themselves into this situation, but as I have been trying to explain to them, it needs honest conversations and learning that they need to be very clear about what their intentions and feelings are up front. Not wanting to hurt someone by being honest is not the right thing in my opinion; if we aren’t with someone who makes us smile and want to turn another page of their book, then we are not being truthful. Allowing others who we barely know to even start to control us and just into the love bombing is also dangerous.
Better to have that painful conversation and walk away; yes even if that means you have to walk alone for a while.
Have any of you experienced anything like this?
