Let’s not beat around the bush: our children are being raised by screens, strangers, and algorithms, and many of us are too knackered, distracted, or unsure how to stop it. We’ve almost normalised the idea that it’s perfectly fine for an 11-year-old to spend six hours a day on TikTok, because they’re “quiet” and “not bothering anyone.” But let’s be clear: silence doesn’t equal safety. And “not bothering anyone” can mean they’re being groomed in the next room while you’re making a cuppa.
There’s a bizarre modern myth that if a child knows how to unlock your iPhone or set up a YouTube channel, they’re suddenly intelligent and mature. A 9-year-old might be able to upload a Minecraft tutorial, but they still believe that carrots help you see in the dark and that “Stranger Danger” means weird people in parks, not middle-aged men pretending to be 14-year-old girls in Discord chats.
We’ve confused digital skills with emotional readiness and that’s scary…
Let’s own up: screens are convenient. Parenting in the old fashioned sense means one parent should drop the kids off at school and be ready for them when they come back home. Instead, many of us have handed a child a tablet and prayed it’ll buy us 15 minutes of peace and that’s fine, once in a while, but a lot of us have slipped into letting Tiktok parent our children more than we do.
If you don’t know who your child’s top 5 favourite influencers are, congrats, they probably know more about your child’s worldview than you do. And those influencers? They’re not exactly promoting healthy behaviour, unless you count lip-syncing in crop tops and posing for selfies in front of mirrors as good role modelling.
And some of those online challenges have taken a very dark and sinister turn which has resulted in some tragic deaths.
Once upon a time, our children were influenced by popstars and famous actors/actresses, great teachers and the head girl at school.
Now? They’re taking life advice from 19-year-olds holding their g strings up and pouting. Add in a bit of algorithmic madness, and you’ve got kids watching “How to Be a Sigma Male” and “Why School Is a Government Trap” at 2am on a school night.
We can’t control the internet, but we can control when and how our kids access it. Otherwise, they’re going to grow up thinking Andrew Tate is a philosopher. But we can’t exactly wag a finger at kids for being glued to their screens when we’re just as bad. You check your emails while on the loo. You scroll Instagram during EastEnders. You panic if your phone battery dips below 20% (guilty!).
Kids notice.
We’ve modelled screen obsession so well, they now think silence means something’s wrong if they’re not getting notifications every five minutes. We’ve taught them that boredom is bad and that every moment they are awake must be filled with noise, colour, and pointless scrolling. What happened to sitting down and reading a book? Or just sitting outside with your mates making daisy chains talking about boys and makeup?
Here’s something uncomfortably real: Online predators are no longer only lurking behind bushes in your local park, they’re sliding into your child’s private messages while you’re watching Bake Off. And before you say, “My child would never talk to a stranger,” let me just say this:
Predators are very good at not looking like strangers. These people are charming, patient, and terrifyingly persistent. They’ll play the long game. Compliment. Befriend. Manipulate. All while you think your child’s watching cat videos.
Let’s face it, talking to your child about porn, mental health, sexting, or online blackmail doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, does it? The sex talk was bad enough right ?! We’d rather chat about the weather, what they want for tea, or whether they’ve done their homework. But here’s the truth: If you don’t talk to them, the internet population will. But we’ve got to stop thinking these conversations are “too much” for kids. Because the internet certainly doesn’t care about what’s age-appropriate. Age verification will help, but not when Jo from year 11 is selling age verified accounts from the dark web…
So let’s not just wallow in the digital mud. Here are some suggestions:
1. Delay Smartphones and Socials: Give them a childhood before you give them a device that opens the entire world and all its darkest corners to them.
2. No Phones in Bedrooms: That’s where sleep should happen. Not cyberstalking, doomscrolling, or questionable Snapchats.
3. Lead by Example: Put your phone down. Talk to your kids. Eat meals without screens. Model sanity.
4. Know the Apps They Use: If they’re on TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat or some random app with a flying ferret logo, you’d better be on it too.
5. Talk. Early and Often: Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But so is finding out your child’s been blackmailed into sending photos to a stranger.
6. Use Tech Tools: Parental controls. Screen time limits. Monitoring software. They’re not overprotective, they’re just parenting with eyes open.
7. Rebuild Real Life: Get back to Sunday roasts, Christmas charades with aunty Maud who smells of lavendar; organise family board games, walks, arguments over whether each other said “Uno” when they got to their last card… anything that doesn’t involve a digital device. We don’t need to go full Amish, but we do need to stop pretending what is going on is the new “normal”.
Kids need limits. They need boredom and real-life connection. They need real people in their life, not influencers, not screens, not filtered nonsense. We have a responsibility to our children as well as our communities to encourage reconnecting and reality, so time to pull the plug from time to time.
For anyone needing practical help with this, I recommend speaking with Hayley (FIreside Chats Group).
Photo by SCARECROW artworks
