Last week, while I was trying to balance putting on my badge and avoid spilling a tepid tea, I got cornered by Steve… again… We all have that loner who makes us wish the floor would open and swallow us up; Steve has been trying to launch his “No More Tears” goggles for the past 7 years with not even a prototype available to test at a show. Just as I was mentally escaping to a tropical island where no one needs to chop onions, we were joined by Nigel, leaning in dramatically, like he was about to reveal the secret of eternal youth, and said: “The real power of networking… is referrals.”
Ah yes. Referrals. That glorious, mythical currency of the business world, handed around like golden tickets in a Willy Wonka factory for professionals. Except, let’s be honest: the age of blind referrals is over. Why? Because it’s 2025. And we’ve all met at least one bloke who’s a “marketing guru” by day and an Amazon drop-shipping sensei by night.
Let’s be real. Would you hand your mate’s million-pound renovation project to Dave from the breakfast club just because he once bought you a lukewarm latte and said “I like DIY”? Would you forward your client’s details to someone whose main qualification appears to be “has a LinkedIn profile and smiles a lot”?
Exactly.
Now, to be fair, there are exceptions. If someone says, “Anyone from Aberdare got a good plumber? My taps are leaking,” that’s completely different. That’s not a referral, that’s a cry for help. That’s someone trying not to have to wear wellies around the house.
Here’s a fun little subplot: Watch what happens when a newbie enters the room. Bright-eyed, full of Canva graphics and dreams, still believing “networking” is the key to unlocking their business destiny. Within three minutes, they’re swarmed, courted like a Jane Austen heroine at her first ball. “Hello Mr Wickham”… Because there’s always someone hoping this innocent young entrepreneur might just say, “Oh yes, I used to work for a man who owns a chain of factories. Want me to pop you his details?”
Unless you really know someone, you’re not about to pass them the business contact list you guard like it’s the Grandma’s hotpot recipe.
Because the reality is that if someone truly trusts you and genuinely wants your help connecting with someone, they’ll just text. Or email. Or bribe you with a pint after work. They won’t shout across a 30-person Zoom call, “Anyone know a good accountant for my millionaire uncle?”
I’m not saying never refer people. But maybe let’s all stop pretending that chucking names around in a group chat is the same as meaningful referrals. Let’s stop pressuring people to “bring leads” to prove their worth like it’s a medieval offering to the gods of business networking. Instead, let’s build real trust, actual friendships, and maybe… just maybe… be so good they want to refer us without needing to be asked in front of 30 other people.
Do you still refer people in networking groups? Or are you one of those who just turns up because you enjoy meeting people and the meetings are always a bit of a laugh without any pressure to share your contacts list?
Photo by steffen wienberg
