Respect runs through every connection we have. You see it in how a child listens to a parent, how an employee responds to a boss, how partners treat each other at home. It is not about titles or positions. Anyone can hold authority, but not everyone earns respect. Respect shows up when words and actions line up, when there is fairness, when someone feels heard instead of dismissed.
Think about the workplace. People follow a manager because the payslip tells them to. But following orders is not the same as respect. True respect comes when a manager leads by example, values the team, and treats people with dignity. Without that, all you have is compliance. And compliance will run out at some point and then that’s where resentment and other negative emotions will surface which affects your personal performance and makes Monday morning wake ups even worse. I was once married to someone who used to make Sunday evenings unpleasant for this very reason…
The same principle applies at home. A child might do what a parent says because they are afraid of punishment, but that is not respect either. Respect grows when there is consistency, steadiness, and care. Authority imposed is one thing. Authority earned is another.
Now take it to the closest relationship of all: a partner. Respect is never a one-way street. You cannot demand it while refusing to show it to yourself. A partner will pick up on that gap immediately. Respect cannot be begged for, it cannot be forced, it only reflects back what you model.
Here is where people get trapped. One partner complains about not being respected, but their own actions show no self-respect. They allow themselves to be cut down in arguments. They accept labels that diminish them such as “narcisist” or “bipolar”. They avoid speaking up for what they really believe to avoid friction and conflict, especially if there are kids involved. Over time, the other partner stops respecting them too. And the harsh truth is this: why should they?
It often gets misnamed. A man might call his wife an alpha, when really she only looks that way because he constantly panders. She is not the powerful one; he is the passive one. He keeps himself busy with work, with projects, with money, because that feels safer than dealing with the relationship itself. But as the years roll on, nothing changes, because nothing is ever confronted. And the worst part: neither of them want to lose face over calling it a day on a marriage that essentially died when she banished him to sleep in a separate room 20+ years ago, choosing to only knock on the door a few times a year…
Respect is not a gift handed out when someone else feels generous. It is the reflection of how you carry yourself. If you keep compromising, if you keep accepting put-downs, if you live in avoidance, you are teaching others how little you value yourself. And when self-respect is missing, every other kind of respect, from children, colleagues, or partners, collapses with it.
The truth is simple, even if it is not easy. Respect yourself first. Speak up, even when it rattles the pattern. Stop mistaking pandering for kindness. Respect is the quiet currency of every relationship, and if you want it from others, you must first claim it for yourself.
