There is a particular kind of disorientation that comes from outgrowing yourself. It is not dramatic. It is not chaotic. It is simply odd.
You look around and realise you no longer fit the outline of who you were. The habits feel tight, conversations feel repetitive and roles you once played so convincingly now feel like borrowed costumes that no longer suit you.
At the same time, the new version of you does not yet feel solid. It is emerging, stretching, testing its balance. That in-between space can feel unstable. You are no longer the old self, but you are not fully anchored in the new one. It can feel like walking on ground that is still settling.
This is why growth can be mistaken for regression. You may feel uncertain, question yourself or wonder if you are overreacting or losing perspective. In reality, you are integrating new insights, new boundaries, and new standards into your identity. Integration takes time. It is a process of adjustment, not a breakdown.
Identity shedding also shifts your relationships. You may even find that the people you once hung out with no longer feel right either, leaving you in limbo; the heart is saying get in touch, but the mind is saying no, this isn’t going to do you any good at the moment.
Many connections are built around who you were at a specific time. Shared humour, struggles and coping mechanisms. Sometimes even shared dysfunction. When you change, the foundation of those connections shifts. If others are still operating from the old pattern, you may feel constrained. Not because they are wrong, but because the dynamic was designed for a version of you that no longer exists.
This can create tension. You may feel restless in conversations that once energised you; misunderstood when you assert new boundaries or sense a subtle pull to return to the familiar role simply because it is easier. Growth often requires tolerating that discomfort without collapsing back into the old shape.
Outgrowing yourself does not mean rejecting your past. It means recognising that your past was a stage, not a permanent address. The earlier version of you did what it needed to do. It navigated what it knew. It built connections that made sense at the time. There is no need for dramatic severing or grand reinvention. Evolution is usually quieter than that.
The disorientation comes from integration. You are reorganising your internal landscape. Values are being clarified. Tolerances are shifting. Standards are rising. What once felt normal may now feel misaligned. That is not instability. It is recalibration.
It can help to understand that identity is not a fixed object. It is a structure that adapts as you gather new experience. When you outgrow a version of yourself, you are not abandoning your identity. You are expanding it. The new self feels uncertain because it has not yet accumulated evidence. Confidence grows as your behaviour aligns consistently with your updated values.
You are neither going up the wall nor not moving backwards. You are integrating. The strange feeling is simply the sensation of becoming. Trust your gut and the path you’re now on. Life has a way of throwing up barriers and nudging us in the right direction, and with age comes an ability to recognise these a lot faster than we did in our 20s.
I find going with the flow works for me and am extremely thankful for the people who have been by my side over the trials and tribulations. You know who you are :)x
