Memories

September 14, 2023

Do you find yourself sometimes wondering why you can’t remember certain things? I’ve just listened to a podcast by one of the scientists at Stanford University where they mentioned that this is not such a bad thing, especially for our mental health.

Learning to put things into a box and forgetting they are there may be a good way to avoid living in the past which can lead to depression.  

Please bear in mind that you will not solve some problems by running away as these will remain.  For example, if your tax return is due by the end of the month, start it as soon as you can. It’s a must do and if you don’t you will more than likely have to pay a fine.

However, don’t waste your time (or that of others) by trying to solve problems that cannot be fixed. In life, we need to understand what is important and what we can resolve/change. If you spend your time trying to fix everything around you, you won’t have the time or energy to do the things that matter.
 
It’s important to acknowledge our memories and see the role we have played in them, if any, but replaying memories in our heads repeatedly is not generally helpful to a positive mindset.

You may find that others bring up things from the past that you cannot recall as clearly as they can (which tends to indicate that they have stored this memory because it either made them happy or upset). Additionally, their memory of the event will very rarely be 100%; we tend to remember our interpretation of the past, which may also be confused by mis-communication which was not clarified at the time. Please remember that you cannot control the actions of others nor do you have any ability to influence how they think, however hard you may try. Sometimes it’s just best to walk away, even if this is only emotionally if this is a close family member or friend.

Some people like to save these memories and come back to them at some point in the not-too-distant future. Using pen and paper is better than typing on a screen; if you’re good at drawing then maybe you could do a sketch; if you take a photo on your mobile, then print it as soon as you can before you forget.

If you feel your words and/or pictures may be seen by others, then it’s OK to put these somewhere you alone can access them. We are allowed a personal space and no one should make you feel guilty about this. There is a clear difference between hiding something and ensuring that your privacy is respected.

There is no time limit for when you have to come back to any physically stored memories; you will know when the time is right for you; do not be pressurised by any date or anyone.

Sometimes, I find  myself still going through events from the past in my head; what did I do wrong, how could I have handled that better which then can lead onto doubting myself. 

There may even be something you are still carrying guilt about:
Did you cheat on your wife when you were on tour?
Were your last words to a parent angry ones?

Do you think it would help you to talk about some memories to help you file them away?


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