The first year after losing someone special is often particularly difficult due to a combination of emotional, psychological, and practical factors.
Grief, especially early on, can feel overwhelming as we adjust to life without the person we have lost. Navigating a world that no longer includes our loved one brings painful “firsts”: the first birthday without them, the first Christmas, the first Mother’s day, as well as other significant milestones that we would have celebrated with them only serve to highlight their absence.
Initially after losing someone, we will probably be in shock or disbelief. I can remember when I lost my father; looking down at his lifeless body was so surreal and having all the police turn up made it even harder; I just felt like a robot going through the motions of making tea for them all; because of my father’s job, they had to call in the chief inspector which took time. I had to put on the face and try to function; I just felt numb…
Over time, this protective numbness fades, and the rawness of grief becomes more apparent and can manifest itself in a variety of ways such as insomnia and appetite / mood swings. Processing all these emotions can be really hard, especially if you are working and / or have children or other caregiving duties.
This can be made more complex because in the immediate aftermath of a loss, friends and family often rally around to provide support. However, as time passes, this support can dwindle, leaving us feeling lonely or isolated. I don’t think we ever get over the loss of a loved one; we just learn how to carry on living as best we can and remembering them in our own way.
Death is something that happens to us all eventually; but it also can help to unite us while we still breathe by being there for others. If someone you know has lost a friend or relative, particularly if it’s that terrible first year, do reach out to them. With Christmas approaching as well as the end of the year, it’s not going to be easy. You’d be amazed how much that simple conversation you stop to have with them means. Going to a funeral enables us sometimes to reconnect with friends and relatives with whom we have lost touch, allowing relationships to be re-established.
Thoughts and prayers go out today to a gentle giant and huge personality of our rugby world. This post is for you Joe:
Happy 41st Birthday and know we are thinking of you.
#familleToulousain ♥
