Private Messaging

June 19, 2024

So today as is often the case, I’ve been private messaged and to cut a long story short, it was another married guy looking for “fun” online. As usual, it’s the same story of physical side of the relationship has gone but they won’t do anything about it.

“We get on great” he assured me, but then accused me of being judgemental when I asked if she would think things were great if she knew he was fishing for online sexting. Maybe it’s just me and people are happy to stay together with someone because it’s too hard to split up, but if kids are either grown up or old enough to question why their parents don’t sleep in the same bed let alone show each other any affection, why carry on living behind masks?

Just pondering what the common reasons could be, so here goes:

1. Emotional Reasons:

  • Lack of Emotional Fulfillment: People may feel that their emotional needs are not being met in their marriage, leading them to seek validation and support elsewhere.
  • Desire for Variety: Some may cheat because they crave new experiences or variety, often linked to emotional or psychological needs.

2. Psychological Factors:

  • Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem might cheat to boost their confidence and feel more desirable.
  • Addiction or Compulsion: Some might have a sex addiction or compulsive behavior that drives them to seek multiple partners.

3. Relationship Issues:

  • Lack of Intimacy: When physical intimacy dwindles in a marriage, some might look elsewhere to fulfill those needs.
  • Communication Problems: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and unmet needs, pushing some to cheat.

4. Opportunity and Circumstance:

  • Situational Factors: Opportunities for infidelity, such as frequent travel or work environments that facilitate close interactions, can lead to cheating.
  • Peer Influence: Social circles that normalize or even encourage infidelity can influence people to cheat.

5. Personal Beliefs and Values:

  • Attitudes Toward Monogamy: Some people might not value monogamy as highly, viewing cheating as less problematic.
  • Past Experiences: Previous experiences and learned behaviors from childhood or past relationships can influence a person’s likelihood to cheat.

6. Life Transitions:

  • Midlife Crisis: Major life transitions, like a midlife crisis, can lead people to question their life choices and seek new experiences, including affairs.

7. Revenge or Retaliation:

  • Retaliation: Some cheat to get back at their partner for perceived wrongs or infidelity, seeking revenge or trying to get on an equal footing.

Back to what I’ve always tried to say about being open with someone you’re in a relationship with, even if those conversations are raw. Hence best tackled when they start to appear rather than leaving it until it’s too late and damage has been done. Open communication, counseling, and therapy can help couples work through the underlying problems that may lead to cheating. It’s important for both partners to be willing to work on the relationship and address the root causes of their relationship problems.

How would you feel if you found out your partner was messaging people online with a view to indulging in sexual chat?

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