Let’s face it. There comes a time in every project when you realise that you are not there to pander to people’s low self esteem and ego. The penny drops and you cotton onto the fact that somehow, you’ve been cast in the role of flunkey without auditioning. You know the moment: it hits you mid-Zoom call with a volunteer group as the “Coordinator” brightly says: “And you can just quickly knock together a fundraising gala, yes? You’re so good at things, but I’ll tell you what I want!” And thus begins your journey into becoming the unofficial secretary-slash-event-planner-slash-doormat.
But fear not, fellow over-committed, quietly-fuming Britons. Today, we discuss the noble art of calling it out and walking away, all while maintaining the poise of a swan, even if you’re dying to peck Brenda’s nose off.
Take the example of someone who has joined a local volunteer group because they wanted to “give back” and “make a difference,” not because they fancied being guilt-tripped into crocheting 400 tea cosies for the summer fete. But now it’s gone too far. They’re answering an email from Brenda at 2300h because she has sent them a spreadsheet called BingoRotaFinalFINALUSETHISONE.xlsx.
Do call it out. Kindly, calmly, with a smile that says “I’m still nice, but I will absolutely ghost you if you test me one more time.”
For Example: “Hi all!, Just to say, I’ve noticed that I have ended up with a bit more than I have capacity for, so I’ll be stepping back from organising the inter-parish “Bake til You Flake” apocalypse. I’ll be around for bringing the odd cake (probably bought from Morries) but I’m not available for buying your ingredients. Thanks. Yvette”
Then log off and make sure your WhatsApp notifications are permanently off.
Here’s another example I may have come across: Let’s say you stumble upon a “business consultant” on a business network platform, claiming to run seven companies and with at least one very suspicious set of accounts filed with Companies House. Hmm. Your instincts say, This smells like rotten fish with a side of buzzwords. Should you walk away silently? Or should you, perhaps, pop a little email over to Companies House and say, “Hiya, not to be nosey, but this person appears to be making statements more fictional than ‘Alice in Wonderland.’ Just flagging in case you fancy a peek down the rabbit hole.”
It’s not unkind. It’s responsible. And if anyone tries to say, “Oh don’t cause a fuss,” remember: The Titanic could have used someone who caused a fuss. Cause the fuss. Then walk away, and not in a dramatic way. No storming out. No teary speeches with Adele playing in the background. You can simply say: This isn’t working for me anymore, but I wish you the best.
And then go. Leave the WhatsApp group. Archive the email chain. Let them “circle back” with someone else’s calendar. Brenda is quite capable of sending her own emails; after all she emails you quite well doesn’t she? You’re not rude for saying no. You’re just a human with boundaries, not a subscription service. Walking away doesn’t mean failure. It means you’ve chosen peace over nonsense. That’s growth.
In my case, Brenda made the chairwoman message me that I was too busy to do her skivvying. Thank you Brenda! It was the perfect opportunity for me to say “Glad you’ve said that as I have realised that my working style doesn’t align well with certain of your set ups as I thrive in collaborative environments. Wish you all the best for the fund raising this year. I appreciate the warmth you have shown me x”.
And I allowed Brenda the satisfaction of oiking me from the WhatsApp group – that would have made her day; kindness always.
Photo by Annie Spratt
