Relationships come in all shapes and forms, and sometimes they don’t follow the easy, straightforward path we might expect or even hope for. When you’re close with someone who leans toward avoidance, (someone who keeps their walls up, who pulls back when things get too close), a connection can feel more like either they don’t care or a test of patience than a more “traditional” relatonship.
In these moments, the idea of “holding on” takes on a very different meaning. It’s not about constant messaging, or chasing after the person to prove you care. It’s about quiet strength, knowing when to give space and when to simply wait.
“Holding on” becomes less about control and more about trust. Trust that the connection exists beneath the surface, even if it’s hidden by silence or distance. Trust that your feelings are valid, even if they aren’t immediately reciprocated in the “normal” way and may never be because the other person just never felt good enough for you/ wasn’t able to put their old demons aside and were still protecting their emotions/started to feel that the silences meant you didn’t care/didn’t realise they were imperfectly perfect…
For those in avoidant dynamics, no contact is often a choice born from self-respect. It’s a way to protect your own heart while leaving the door open for the other person to come forward if/when they’re ready. It’s a pause that acknowledges: you can’t force someone to be present, but you can hold steady in your own truth, carry on living your life and making memories regardless of them.
There’s a deep kind of love in this: strong, honest, patient, and real. It doesn’t demand perfection or constant reassurance. Instead, it waits with no expectations, if the walls come down, that connection can grow in its own time. And if not, there’s strength in knowing that you loved them with your whole heart as you know they did too, it’s just their past meant they just couldn’t step into growing with you. The problem was always that you hit the walls they built long before you came along in their life.
This kind of waiting isn’t easy. It can feel like standing still while the world moves on around you at times. But it’s also an act of courage and clarity. It says: I am here. I am whole. And if you ever open up fully or take responsibility in a way that moves the relationship forward, reach out. In the meantime, I’m me and I’m carrying on. In the silence between the two of you, you’re not losing yourself, you’re holding on to your own strength, your own worth, and still writing your own story.
If you’re in this kind of space, remember: holding on doesn’t mean holding tight. Because you understand that they adore and miss you as much as you do them. Sometimes, the greatest love is the love that knows life is about living each day, your life. We can’t fix others. What is meant to be will be…
Merci MamanD
