Let’s be honest. Writing a will is not exactly how most people want to spend their Saturday. It ranks somewhere between tackling the Japanese knot weed and briar patch and listening to Ron tell you about his DIY again… But for some, it’s more than just a boring bit of admin. It’s deeply emotional, surprisingly confronting, and occasionally a bit awkward.
So why do people, even the sensible ones, put it off?
It feels like tempting fate: There’s a quiet superstition many people have. If I write a will, the universe might take it as a sign that I’m ready to pop off. It’s the same logic as not washing your car in case it rains, only with slightly higher stakes. Of course, writing a will doesn’t bring your end any closer. If anything, it says quite clearly, not yet, but I’d like things in order.
Facing mortality is weird: Most of us like to live under the pleasant illusion that we’re invincible. We eat vegetables, try to stress less, and remember to tell ChatGPT not to save your latest symptom analysis. Sitting down to decide what happens after we die feels like opening a door we’d rather keep firmly shut. It’s existential admin, and that’s a big ask before your morning coffee.
Families are complicated: For many, writing a will is like choosing who gets the last piece of cake in front of a room full of hungry relatives. Who gets Mum’s wedding ring, the savings, the garden gnome collection? These questions can spark more drama than a group chat the morning after a hen party. If you have step-siblings, family tensions, or that one cousin who still owes you money, things get even trickier.
It brings up feelings: Writing a will means thinking about people you care about, people you miss, and sometimes people you’d rather not include but feel guilty about anyway. It can bring up old emotions, past regrets, and tender memories. That’s a lot to sit with, especially if you’re doing it alone.
No one teaches you how: We learned how to find x, how to label a diagram of a frog, and how to recite a poem under pressure, but not how to write a will. Many people don’t know where to begin, what makes it legally valid, or who they’re supposed to leave things to if they live alone with a cat called Cfur.
Maybe we need to star having those conversations in break out rooms and try to show a little understanding. If someone hasn’t written a will, they’re not irresponsible, they might just be overwhelmed, unsure, or afraid of stirring up a hornet’s nest of feelings and family politics. A kind nudge or the offer to help them get started can make a big difference.
And if you’re the one who has been putting it off, try just beginning. You don’t need to finish it in one go. Even writing a few thoughts down is a powerful act of care. It tells the people you love that you were thinking of them, and that you wanted to make things easier for them when the time comes.
If anyone needs help, please reach out, I have a lovely contact who can help you look after your “Sadmin”.
Photo by Debby Hudson
