Ah, the groomsmen dance. That awkward, ambitious, and occasionally catastrophic moment when a group of men, who generally have the coordination of a herd of newborn giraffes attempt to execute a dance routine. It’s a time-honoured wedding tradition that nobody ever requested but somehow keeps happening.
I’m not really sure who holds the honour of posting the first wedding groomsmen dance, but it may have been the bright idea of the best man who had one too many champagne toasts and thought he could moonwalk. The trend spread like wildfire because wedding planners and bridesmaids realized that watching grown men flail around in matching suspenders was peak entertainment.
While every wedding is unique, there are a few recurring themes in the world of groomsmen dances:
- The Boy Band Revival: This group of self-appointed Backstreet Boys will belt out “I Want It That Way” with synchronized finger-pointing and a level of commitment that makes you question their day jobs.
- The Magic Mike Moment: One guy takes things too far, usually removing at least one article of clothing. It’s always the guy who claimed he “couldn’t dance” during rehearsals and really really really should have kept his trousers on…(no ziz-a-zig ah moment).
- The TikTok Compilation: Five guys in rented tuxedos attempt a trending dance routine they learned 30 minutes before the reception. Half of them forget the moves, but they all remember to dab.
- The Surprise Cultural Mashup: One groomsman insists they incorporate a salsa, Irish jig, and Bollywood number. The execution is about as graceful as a stampede of toddlers in tap shoes.
- The “Just Wing It” Approach: No choreography, no plan, just raw enthusiasm and a lot of pelvic thrusting. A grandma in the front row breaking the necklace she has been clutching which results in her pearls being scattered across the dance floor only adds to the entertainment.
Groomsmen dances elicit a range of responses, from the bride’s forced laughter to the mother of the groom muttering, “I did not raise him for this.” The guests are usually divided into two camps:
- Team Hype: These people are on their feet, cheering and filming, knowing this content will be legendary on Instagram (gotta feed the algorithm and hope to trend for the day).
- Team Secondhand Embarrassment: These guests are staring into their wine glasses, reconsidering their life choices and heading en masse to the bar.
Last year I tried to coordinate a group of very happy rugby players, after a major end of year win and a few celebratory beers, into a synchronized dance by the pool. What started as a noble attempt at a choreographed routine quickly turned into a chaotic mess of shirtless girations and one unfortunate backflip attempt that ended with a splash. It was a beautiful disaster: one part victory parade, one part drowning hazard (me).
Fast forward to this year and I’m still giggling when I recall trying to get a prop, a hooker and 2 locks doing the moves from the GIrls Aloud “Promise” video !
But I digress… so should we keep the traditional groomsmen gambolling? On the one hand, groomsmen dances give us viral videos, family gossip, and a reason to believe in the magic of uncoordinated enthusiasm. On the other, they give us nightmares of seeing Uncle Bob attempt to emulate Raygun and ending up in A&E…
Ultimately, I think the groomsmen dance is here to stay for the time being at least. So if you’re ever asked to participate, embrace the cringe, commit fully, but unless you’re Channing Tatum, please keep your pants on.
Have you witnessed a truly cringeworthy groomsmen dance? Do share your stories in the comments!
Photo by Tai’s Captures
