There are people in life who walk into a room and set off an alarm bell in our bodies before they even open their mouths. The neighbour who never takes his turn to drive, who gets just a bit too loud after a few drinks, who once turned on the team captain in the car… The same neighbour who approaches with cold eyes and a pointed remark about not seeing you at training lately, while his wife stands silently at his side, looking away. It is not a single incident that creates the reaction, it is the accumulation of behaviours, tones and subtle signals. And suddenly your whole system is screaming “keep away” even if you have not yet worked out exactly why.
The funny thing is, our bodies are often several steps ahead of our brains in these moments. The stomach churns, shoulders tighten, and there it is, the almost comical full body urge to escape. Some of us feel nauseous, some freeze, others become overly polite while inside every nerve ending is on alert. This is not melodrama, it is neuroscience. The amygdala, that almond shaped part of the brain, is responsible for scanning our environment for threat. It does not wait for a calm, logical explanation. If it notices even a whiff of hostility, aggression, or the particular brand of energy that accompanies misogyny, it presses the big red button and our bodies are instantly in fight, flight, or freeze.
It helps to understand that the body does not distinguish much between a lion in the savannah and a man at the pub whose eyes feel predatory. The same cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol gets released. The heart rate jumps, digestion shuts down, hence the urge to vomit. Muscles contract so you can run or fight, even if the setting is simply a community social where all you want is a quiet pint and a chat with the barman. Add to this the vagus nerve, which when overwhelmed can switch the body into shutdown, leaving you heavy, dizzy or suddenly drained. The science is not only fascinating, it is also reassuring. You are not imagining it. Your body has clocked something before your conscious mind has caught up.
There is also memory at play. Past experiences with domineering or aggressive personalities create pathways in the brain. Once laid down, those pathways fire quickly when the system recognises something familiar. This is why someone’s tone, body language, or even the way their wife looks away at the wrong moment can feel like a warning sign. The subconscious is connecting the dots and shouting at you to listen. Think of it as an overprotective friend who insists on tapping you on the shoulder the moment danger is within a hundred metres.
So what do you do with these characters who manage to ruin the fun of a simple spin class or a friendly neighbourhood gathering. The first and most important step is to listen to your body. If you feel sick at the thought of sitting near him, do not sit near him. If your stomach drops when you imagine being alone in a lane with him, then avoid that scenario. Instinct is there to protect, not to be reasoned away with polite excuses.
At the same time, life is full of people like this, and unless you plan to retreat into the hills you will encounter them. Coping does not mean ignoring your reaction, it means managing it. Grounding techniques are practical little tools to calm the body while you hold your boundary. If you are stuck in proximity, plant your feet firmly on the ground and notice the weight of your body. Take a slow breath and count something in the room, like how many chairs you can see. These small actions tell the nervous system that you are not in immediate mortal danger, even if you would rather be anywhere else.
Humour helps too. Internally imagine him as a character from a sitcom, blustering and clueless, while you picture yourself as the calm audience member who already knows the punchline.
There is also strength in quiet boundaries. You do not need to make a scene or announce your feelings. It is enough to sit at another table, to politely skip the evenings where he will be present, or to leave a gathering when the atmosphere tips from convivial to uncomfortable. Others may not notice, or they may quietly understand. Either way, your choices are valid.
The deeper lesson here is that our bodies hold immense wisdom. The urge to run, the nausea, the physical aversion, are not signs of weakness, but signs that your nervous system is intact and doing its job. It is scanning, protecting and alerting you when the social veneer of someone does not match the undercurrent of who they are. That neighbour might simply be boorish and entitled, or he might be something darker, but either way your reaction is the information you need.
In the end, coping with people like this is a balance between avoidance, management, and humour. Avoidance when your gut says: avoid like the plague. Management when circumstances force you into proximity. Humour to keep yourself from being dragged into the mire of their energy. You will never change him, and you do not need to. You only need to look after your own space, your own peace of mind, and your own body’s signals. Don’t expect anyone else to support your negative vibes if all they are looking to do it keep the peace. And if that means skipping the odd yoga class, well, there are worse sacrifices to make than missing out on holding a downward facing dog position once in a while…
