Once upon a time, we hired people. We had meetings. We asked for help. Now? We onboard talent, host alignment sessions, and escalate pain points. The modern workplace has become less about what we do, and more about what we call it. And as any buzzword aficionado knows, if you can rebrand your everyday function into a high-concept noun-verb hybrid, you’re halfway to being asked to do a TED Talk.
Here are a few of the vogue terms you really should be including when networking (if you aren’t already) :
Onboarding: Previously known as: hiring and training new staff.
Once, a person joined the company, someone gave them a lanyard, a password, and possibly a pot plant for their desk. Now they are onboarded, a word that evokes either a luxury cruise or flight; sadly most jobs won’t involve turning left when you board.
Bandwidth: Previously known as: Time or availability
“Do you have the necessary bandwidth to review this?” Translation: “Do you have a spare minute not claimed by your 17 Zoom calls and hours of doom scrolling?”
Touch Base: Previously known as: Talk to someone
No one wants to say “chat” anymore. We now “touch base”, a term that seeks to be a current, but with undertones of familiarity that border on creepy depending on who else is involved…
Deep Dive: Previously known as: Due diligence or background research.
Why investigate when you can deep dive? Bonus points if you use it in a deck with graphics of scuba divers or tropical fish.
Pivot: Previously known as: Change direction
Startups don’t make mistakes, they pivot (not to be confused with pirouette). Preferably with strategic intent and a LinkedIn post about “learning through failure”- sashay away …
Circle Back: Previously known as: I will ignore this until someone forces me to deal with it.
“I’ll circle back” is the modern equivalent of being made to stay late on a Friday when everyone else is enjoying POETS day.
Leverage: Previously known as: Use
We don’t “use our strengths” anymore. We “leverage our core competencies”. It sounds more impressive and makes it harder to tell if anything is actually being done. It reminds me of GCSE Physics…
Scalable: Previously known as: Can grow
It’s not enough to make something work. It has to be scalable, ideally using blockchain, AI, and a suspiciously vague roadmap from the marketing department.
Synergy: Previously known as: Teamwork or collaboration
“Let’s create synergy between departments” = “You two need to stop fighting over whose turn it is to make the coffee.”
Going Forward: Previously known as: From now on
A classic. No plan is complete without a “going forward”, preferably bolted onto the start of a sentence like one of those nodding cats.
I’m really not sure what has caused this, but one thing is for sure, buzzwords have exploded in the workplace and online network groups. I made count of how many times it was used today: 3 break out rooms, 7 buzzwords (from 2 people as part of their elevator pitch). Coming from a marketing person/social media person each time, but once it was done, they went back to conventional language.
I guess using new words for old things makes everything sound fresher, shinier, and marginally more billable if you’re a con-sultant. Jargon helps people feel like part of an elite club, especially useful when nobody knows what’s actually going on. There’s a certain panache to saying you’re “driving transformational outcomes through agile frameworks” versus “trying to get people to answer emails”.
Language evolves, and so does the workplace. But let’s not forget: while “onboarding” might sound fancier than hiring, it’s still just Danielle from HR trying to remember where the ID badges are.
Photo by Sandra-Beatrice Molnar
