Why Do People Find It Hard to Ask For Help?

July 16, 2024

I had a lovely catch up chat with an online friend today, someone I’ve known for around two and a half years and who I can open up with, mainly because he can read me incredibly well and so there is no way to hide! As always, he asked me about how things are on a personal level and often reminds me to “go out gardening”, his way of telling me that I am spending too much time in my tower…

This then led onto a conversation about my inability to ask for help, probably because I have lived alone for so long and also because quite honestly, I’ve been let down in the past a few times, particularly in business activities. I know people mean well and then life takes over, but it takes less than a minute to text someone to explain and if possible, offer to reschedule the meet up or contact referral. You don’t have to reply again until you are free.

Sadly it’s also not uncommon to find people who are challenged when they feel you are doing better than them, even if you are not even in the same line of business. They won’t promote you internally for a role or won’t pick you as their marketing contact in a new territory because they feel you will start to demonstrate a level of performance that exceeds their team.

Then there are those who will help, but based on conditions that you don’t want to acquiesce to…

I know I’m not the only one who finds it difficult to reach out when the chips are down; people often struggle to ask for help due to a variety of psychological, social, and cultural factors:

  1. Fear of Rejection: Many people worry that their request for help will be rejected or that others will see them as a burden. This fear can prevent them from reaching out even when they need assistance.
  2. Perceived Weakness: There is a common misconception that asking for help is a sign of weakness or incompetence. Individuals might fear that others will judge them negatively or see them as incapable.
  3. Desire for Independence: Some people value their independence and self-sufficiency highly. They may feel that asking for help undermines their ability to handle their own problems.
  4. Pride and Ego: Pride can be a significant barrier. Admitting that they need help can be difficult for people who take pride in their abilities and achievements.
  5. Social Stigma: In some cultures or communities, there is a stigma associated with asking for help, especially with mental health issues. People may fear being labeled or judged by others.
  6. Lack of Awareness: Sometimes individuals may not realize that they need help or may not be aware of the resources available to them. They might also underestimate the severity of their situation.
  7. Fear of Vulnerability: Asking for help requires a level of vulnerability that can be uncomfortable. People may fear exposing their weaknesses or personal struggles to others.
  8. Past Negative Experiences: Previous experiences where asking for help led to negative outcomes can discourage people from seeking assistance again. They might have faced judgment, dismissal, or inadequate support.
  9. Perceived Burden: People often worry that asking for help will inconvenience others. They don’t want to feel like they are adding to someone else’s workload or problems.
  10. Cultural Expectations: In some cultures, there is an expectation to handle one’s problems privately. Cultural norms around self-reliance and not showing vulnerability can make it harder to seek help.
  11. Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may feel that they are not worthy of help or that others would not want to assist them. This can create a significant barrier to reaching out.

Do you find it easy to ask for help?