There seems to be a common assumption floating about: that if a woman isn’t married and doesn’t fancy broadcasting the ins and outs of her private life, she must automatically be young, free and single. In other words, fair game for any man with a wandering eye, a bored thumb and a neglected sex life.
It’s a lazy assumption, and it says more about them than it does about the woman they’re pestering. Many of these men are married, often unhappily, and often sexually starved. Some will even admit to it. You hear confessions like four times a year with the wife, or not at all. And instead of sitting down and having the grown up conversation, they head off online, where they can fulfil a fantasy with someone who isn’t actually interested in being the understudy to their absent marital intimacy.
When you push them back with a simple suggestion like maybe romance your wife again, the occasional one nods as though you’ve given him a lightbulb moment. But whether he does anything about it is a different matter. It is easier, after all, to type into a chat box than to book a table, buy flowers or some sexy lingerie, or dare to have the kind of awkward but honest talk that might actually fix the problem.
I go online to have a laugh, not to be bombarded with DMs from men who assume going into a group chat is an invitation for them to swoop. If I wanted to be pestered by desperate strangers, I’d have signed up for a reality TV show. A chat can be fun, but constant sexual pressure isn’t flattering, it’s exhausting and definitely unwanted.
What would the wives say if they knew? I am sure that most would be furious, hurt or devastated. A few might already suspect but keep the peace because the upheaval feels unbearable. For some, financial dependence ties them down. They might quietly choose stability over confrontation, even if it means accepting a marriage where the spark went out years ago.
And here’s the tragedy. With consent and honesty, things could look completely different. If a couple admitted what was missing, agreed boundaries and got curious about each other again, there would be no betrayal. Maybe the wife would decide to splash out on a new black dress, treat herself to facials, rediscover her confidence and actually feel sexy again. Maybe the husband would put half the energy he spends on chasing strangers into courting the woman he’s with. Everyone would be better off.
But instead, women who are simply minding their own business are treated like a convenient outlet. Daily, relentlessly, friend requests and messages stack up. The wording varies, but the vibe is the same. “Connect and reconnect”, one man wrote, as though repetition might turn persistence into charm. Silence, apparently, doesn’t count as a “no” answer.
The psychology is straightforward. They are chasing validation. They are filling a gap without facing the truth about it. Desperation makes people irrational. Ego makes them entitled. And technology makes it all too easy.
It would all be almost comical if it wasn’t so drearily common. A woman shouldn’t have to spell out that she isn’t here to be anyone’s online mistress. A lack of response is an answer. Honesty at home would save everyone the trouble. And perhaps most of all, men might find that sorting their own house out is far sexier than trying it on with someone else’s time.
