When I first heard this song, it was on the radio as part of a “three in a row” and because I had to get out of the car soon after, I never got to hear the title until some weeks later.
A reminder that we are all fallible and make mistakes, but also that no one individual can solve everyone’s problems, and that include those of us who have had kids.
Isn’t it strange that we need to pass exams to get a qualification, we take our pets for annual check ups to make sure everything is ok and yet, as a society, we don’t seem to place much real investment in ensuring that parents are supported and informed before they embark on the journey. It’s even harder in today’s society where geographical mobility means we are parenting without the help of those we have grown up around and trust. As forces families, we uproot often and this too is disruptive.
I don’t think anything can really prepare you for the enormity of leaving the safe protection of the hospital after you’ve had your first child. Suddenly there is no one there who knows what to do if you spot your baby not breathe for a couple of seconds. I never understood what the “top and tail bowl” was about; I think it ended up being used as a swimming pool for the plastic dinosaurs later on.
Single parents in particular can feel the burden of having “let down” their children by living separately/divorcing which can make them over protect and feel that encouraging their children to grow up means that they are continuing to fail them.
It’s hard wondering what you could have done better and later on in life realise that several of your children’s hang ups are caused by things you have said and done, or not. There is no erase or re-boot button.
From a child’s perspective, it can be hard when parents start pushing you out of the nest to make your own life. Whether this is physically asking you to move into your own accommodation or just asking you to take responsibility for your own washing and cooking. It can come across as a rejection.
Those of us fortunate enough to study away from home have already experienced the separation anxiety, we’ve learnt to live alongside others and recognise that we won’t get on with everyone in society. You’ve also learnt a few tricks along the way, like keeping a paper napkin in your pocket so you can quietly stash any gross parsley sauce for disposal later on and not be made to sit there finishing it while your friends are outside playing before afternoon class.
Did you have honest conversations with your parents and friends before you had children and did this influence you in any way?
Have you been able to have honest conversations with your now adult children to help them overcome things that they have kept suppressed?
