Sometimes we all need that afternoon with a friend who just “gets” us who will listen and give us that hug when it all gets a bit too much.
Last Saturday was one of those days for me, as a result of an accumulation of things ranging from a broken boiler for the past 3 weeks to knowing that the last of the the horses from the riding school will be put down next week, adding to the various ongoing issues relating to family stuff – never easy as I am sure you all will know from your own experiences.
We’ve both hidden so many things over the years in our respective lives from those around us and at times only someone who has been there can “get” how hard things can be at times. We’re like those ducks you see on a village pond, madly paddling underneath the waterline.
She went to get me an article she had recently read about Anhedonism – a term I’ve come across before and recognised in some people from time to time. You know when something happens that completely blindsides you; you just feel numb and it’s so hard to make yourself to even do the things that you enjoyed beforehand. The loss of a parent can do this if you were close or even breaking up with a partner you love.
Healing ourselves is not something we can do overnight; it takes time and will vary from person to person. It can be a rollercoaster ride. Some days you’re OK and then it all hits you again. Grief from losing a father or mother never goes away but we just learn to live with it and try to focus on the good memories.
I went to the stables this afternoon, only to find that Woody, one of the horses who had been returned to the family he had been on loan from for many years was grazing on the front lawn- yes loose and somewhat surreal to see. He had only broken out of his field about a kilometer away and come back “home”.
At first I thought I was going to have a nightmare catching him as he’s notoriously naughty and not averse to the odd nip (although he’s not done that with me for a long while). Instead, he raised his head and trotted over to nuzzle my shoulder; he wasn’t even interested in the carrot I was holding to try and bribe him. He just wanted someone he knew – cue waterworks…
Over the past two years, I have learnt to be more open and say “I’m not in a good place at the moment” and those who care have been there for me without judging. I hope this community can be a space for you to open up and know that others are here for you as well. Regardless of whether we know each other in real life.
